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Jupiter Ascending - Review - The Wild Bore - The Wild Bore
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Jupiter Ascending

By on March 5, 2015

Jupiter-Ascending-600x600After the Wachowski’s ‘Cloud Atlas’, which I liked a lot, ‘Jupiter Ascending’ reaches another low in the directing duo’s career. Not since the Matrix sequels has one of their movies felt so full of fluff and quite frankly, boring.

One thing it doesn’t try to do, is throw a lot of pop philosophy at you. Instead, ‘Jupiter Ascending’ has a very simple, Wizard of Oz type of story. A young girl (Mila Kunis) is a cleaner who hates her life, so what happens? Suddenly, she’s caught up in a space family drama where Earth actually belongs to her and she’s whisked away to a spaceship or two. Though this is suppose to come over as a sci-fi fairytale, it instead becomes a series of set pieces where Kunis needs to be saved by Channing Tatum’s character Caine every ten minutes.

Tatum is clearly uncomfortable here, he’s not the charismatic hero he’s supposed to be, nor is he the kind of guy you see in manliner and think it’s a great new look for him. He rollerskates around with a shield and tries to stop Kunis making stupid decision after stupid decision – one character mentions how gullible she is, and they’re right. Her reaction to all this space opera shenanigans seems rather underwhelmed, and neither does it question that maybe it was all made up. Also the background of her immigrant family is stupid to the point of infuriating – she was about to sell her eggs so that her cousin could buy a Playstation and yet we’re supposed to sympathise with someone who is borderline mentally deranged and continues to make strange decision after strange decision.

The CG looks like a last-gen video game cut scene and the periphery characters, including sadly Sean Bean, are terrible. Even Eddie Redmayne, named the Best Actor at this years Oscars, fails to really make an impression with his over-the-top camp, yet strangely voiced, evil-doer. You’re thrown into a world you don’t know, with characters you don’t like and a story that doesn’t excite. So overall, I have to say, it’s a complete failure.

If you’re looking to kill a couple of hours then go ahead, but there’s far better things you could be watching, and perhaps the Wachowski’s should take a step back and really take a look at their work, as if they carry on making films like this then it’s not good for anyone. Including the studio’s $176 million budget.

Rating: 3/10

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